Final Goodbye

Grieving over the loss of Dozy and saying goodbye has truly been a process, not an event. Each little thing is another goodbye, another flow of tears, another moment of grief. Getting the call to pick up her cremains; picking them up; deciding what to do with them; picking up each of her belongings and deciding what to do with each; taking things to donate them. Writing a blog post. Each action brings new sadness while at the same time, marking a step forward in grieving and moving on.

Last week I adopted an adorable pair of little furry dudes. I hadn't planned to adopt so soon, but they were so sweet and in need of a home, and it was so difficult to come home and be in an empty apartment every day. They brought life back to my home, and they make me laugh, and they keep me from wallowing in grief.  They also let me see how right my decision with Dozy was; watching their crazy antics helped me to see how much quality of life she had lost at the end. It's hard to see when you're in it, and they brought me a perspective I needed to be at peace with my decision.

Bringing home these two guys meant I needed supplies. Some of Dozy's things were already gone, some didn't suit them, and some they didn't care for. One thing they didn't care for is her heated bed - I guess young kitties don't need that quite yet! So today I finally washed the cover of her bed where she spent so much time in her last couple of months. I had no idea this little act was going to bring on so much pain; as I cleaned away the last signs of her physical presence, rinsing them down the drain, the tears poured down my face. This is it. She's truly gone, at least in the physical sense.

I will always miss her.

And even though this post is "Final Goodbye," it's not really. Dozy will always be in my heart.